Tuesday, 14 June 2016

New Beginnings - Relaunching my Blog


I have been thinking about this for a long time and spent a long time weighing up the pros and cons but I have made a decision. I will not be using this blog anymore. However, I have relaunched my blog on wordpress! (keaangel.wordpress.com)

I have really enjoyed writing this blog but I have changed it so much and I still don't feel happy with it and I've been working on it for around a year and a half and I know that some of you have read since then and others that have joined since and will have seen how I've changed what my "theme" is so many times. My first posts are very poor compared to what I'm capable of and I want to channel all of my creativity and put all of my effort into a new blog because I feel like I have grown so much since blogging and my blog needs to grow up with me.

I hope you understand and I'm excited to share this little journey with you. I will no longer be using this one but come on over to keaangel.wordpress.com and see what I'm up to!

I hope to see you there!

Kea xo

Twitter: @Just_kea
instagram: keaangel
business contact: keaeloiseangel@hotmail.com

Monday, 13 June 2016

Outfit Of the Day

Saturday, 11 June 2016

A Week Off | Kea Angel


I recently had a week off from work when it was May Half Term (for those in school) and I wanted to take that time to really relax and spend time with my Mum and Brother without having to even think about work and work for my apprenticeship. It was really lovely to have some me time and I definitely feel refreshed.

Thursday, 2 June 2016

May Favourites | Kea Angel


There has been so much that I've been loving this month so it has been hard to narrow it down to these. I feel like May has felt really quite summery and that always seems to make me enjoy products, the same way that winter/christmas makes me really enjoy products too.

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Finding your happy place | Kea Angel

Last weekend I went to the forest for a walk, we used to do this when I was younger but I hated it so when my mum said "let's go on walk in the forest" I was hesitant.

People always talk about their happy place and how calming it is and I never really found that except for in my bed, but that's not the same is it? Anyway, the forest was so calming and we actually spent all day just wandering around.

It was so relaxing and calming to be wandering through the forest surrounded by trees. 

Thursday, 12 May 2016

Graze Review! | Kea Angel


For ages I've wanted to try graze but I just never got around to it, until recently. I went on with a code that I had and got my first box free!

Monday, 9 May 2016

Primark Haul | Kea Angel


If you've seen my last post, you'll know that I went to Portsmouth to do some shopping. This is part two of two of my hauls. I wanted to do Primark separately because it is where I got the most.

Friday, 6 May 2016

Collective Haul- New Look, H&M, Debenhams and Boots | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

Over the bank holiday weekend, I went over to Portsmouth to do some shopping. I haven't been shopping in a while and leaving the Isle of Wight for the day was like a breath of fresh air, I definitely needed to escape for a few hours! I had a lovely. This is part one of two hauls that I'm going to do. This one is the collective haul (New Look, H&M, Debenhams and Boots.)

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Matalan Haul | Kea Eloise Angel


Today I thought I would do a Matalan Haul as I have recently had two shopping trips there and loved the bits that I picked up. I find with Matalan that sometimes I love loads of their clothes and other times, I don't find much.

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Struggling with Mental Health | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

Today's post is something a bit different to some of my more recent posts but if you've been reading for a while then you will have seen content like this before.
I am going to be talking about my struggles with mental health. Mental health is important and when I was in school, it was not talked about enough.
I am not here to tell you that it's perfectly normal to suffer badly because it's not. It is, however, common. When I say that it's "not normal" I don't mean it in a bad way, it's not something that is supposed to happen to people, it's a chemical unbalance and it's painful. It is common.

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Living on the Isle of Wight | Kea Eloise Angel

As some of you may know, I live on the Isle of Wight which is a little island in the south east of England. You can get to it by getting a ferry. It is a very isolated place but it is beautiful yet boring. 
There isn't a lot to do here nor is there a lot of opportunities, however, there are always local events and ways to get around the lack of opportunities. 

Thursday, 17 March 2016

17 things I want to achieve whilst I'm 17 | Kea Eloise Angel


On the 21st February, I turned 17 so I thought it would be a nice post to be able to look back on when I turn 18 and see if I did achieve it. Anyway, as you can tell by the title, I'm doing a post talking about 17 things that I want to achieve whilst I'm 17.

Thursday, 10 March 2016

Favourite Yankee Candles | Updated | Kea Eloise Angel

Hello Everyone!

Around a year ago, when I first started this blog, I wrote a post called "Top 10 Yankee Candles" and I feel like it needs to be updated as I have found new favourites, some are still the same but not all of them! I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Make Up and Skin Care Haul | High End | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

Today I'm going to be showing you some Make up and Skincare bits that I have recently got, all of these except for one were Birthday presents. I did get other make up and skincare gifts but these are the ones that I have used the most and loved.

Friday, 26 February 2016

AD | Envy Professional- The Envy Blowdry Set | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

So Envy Professional were kind enough to send me The Envy Blowdry Set for me to test out and review. I received this on the 2nd February and have been using it regularly since the day that it arrived!

Thursday, 11 February 2016

Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish Review | Kea Eloise Angel


Today, I am going to be doing a review of Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish. I got this for Christmas and have been using it alongside the moisturiser. I wanted to use to for over a month (ideally) because with skincare, you have to use it for a while to give an accurate review and really see the benefits. I find that when I use skincare products for a while, I get to know them and have made a decision if I like the product or not.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

January Favourites | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone! 

I can't believe that January is over already, it has gone by so quickly! Today, I have a January favourites post for you. There isn't many this month but I wanted to do it anyway. Enjoy!

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation review! | Kea Angel


Today I am going to be doing a review of the Estee Lauder Double Wear foundation. I brought this 3-4 months ago and I only finished the bottle a few days ago. I was really surprised that it lasted so long but I was really happy. I wanted to use the whole bottle before doing a review because if I don't use it for a long period then I wouldn't feel as if I was giving a full review.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

Hello 2016!

Hello everyone!

This is a little late but I still really wanted to do it. This is going to be a glimpse of my 2015 and the goals that I hope to achieve in 2016. Last year, I did a new years resolutions post but I never stick to them so I thought that I would try something like this instead.

Thursday, 7 January 2016

December Favourites | Candles, Smiffys, Christmas!

Hello everyone!

I know I haven't posted in a while and I'm sorry, I made a quick decision to spend time over the festive few days that I was off work with my family and had to have some time away from the internet.
Today, I have a December favourites for you, I hope you enjoy!

Friday, 18 December 2015

Why I love Christmas | Festive Friday

Hello everyone!

It's one week until Christmas! I'm very excited.
This is the third 'Festive Friday' post and today I'm going to be telling you about why I love Christmas and some of the Christmas traditions that I have.

Friday, 11 December 2015

My "Go To" Christmas... | Festive Friday

Hello Everyone!

This is the second post in my festive friday series which means that it is just two weeks until Christmas Day! I'm so excited. Today, I'm going to get everyone into a festive mood with my go to Christmas things (songs, films, food, etc.)

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Zest Beauty wish list

Hello everyone!

I've been doing a lot of wish lists recently but I love doing them in the place of hauls (I'm trying to save) and I find them really interesting to read and I love to go through all these websites and picking things that I would love to have.
Today the wish list I'm doing is from Zest Beauty (links at the end).
As with the previous wish list, I won't comment on all of these, only some and links will be below the picture.

Friday, 4 December 2015

Easy Salt Dough Decorations | Festive Friday!


This is the first post in a series (if you will) that I'm doing called Festive Friday. Every Friday. including Christmas Day, there will be a post with something festive!
Today, I'm going to be showing you how to make salt dough decorations, this is the quick method, there are methods that take 3 hours in the oven but these took 3 minutes in the microwave! These were really fun to make and I had Sunniva with me to help (and put me to shame with my decorations because hers were so much better.)
WARNING: harmful to animals if they eat them.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Gift Guide! | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

Today, I am doing a gift guide for you. It's not called a Christmas gift guide because these presents can be used for anything which is what I like about the selection that I have chosen. Links will be under the pictures and the sites are worth looking at for other gifts as well.

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Honest Room Tour! | Kea Angel

Hello Everyone!

Today, I have got a room tour for you, my room is messy in this but I thought that I would make it more of an honest room tour rather than a I wish this is what my room looked like all the time tour. I have deleted some of the pictures because they weren't very good but these are most of them and as you can tell, these pictures were taken a while ago when it was sunny so it just shows how long I've been meaning to upload this for!

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Lookbook Photos gone wrong | Kea & Chloe

Hello Everyone!

Here are some of the pictures from the lookbook that we took but didn't make it into the actual lookbook, some of them are quite funny so I thought you would like to see them!

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Cheap eBay make up brushes! - Beauties Factory | Budget Beauty

Hello everyone!

Today, I am going to be doing a post about some make up brushes that I recently brought from eBay (links below.)
I got these to see what they were like and I have only used a few of them so far because there are 12 brushes. I spent £8.99 and postage was free. They were from a seller called completebeauty4u (links below.)

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Autumn/Winter Lookbook! | Kea & Chloe

Hello Everyone!

Today I have an Autumn Winter Lookbook for you! I'm so excited to share this with you as it was so much fun to create. Chloe is modelling the outfits that I have chosen for her. (Thank you Chloe!)
I put together some outfits and we got up really early and took a lot of pictures (someone wasn't very professional and kept getting distracted!) It was so much fun to take some lovely pictures whilst giving Chloe a HUGE ego boost which she very much deserved as she looks so good in the outfits.
I will try to tell you where each item of clothing is from and if it is still available, I will link it below!

Thursday, 12 November 2015

Salted Caramel Cookies Recipe

Hello everyone!

So I wanted to share with you the recipe for the salted caramel cookies that I made today. I took pictures as I went along but the pictures weren't as good as I was hoping they would be but I will still include them!

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Save on make up wishlist- November 2015!

Hello everyone!

So I came across a website when doing some Christmas shopping (okay, I was looking at make up for me) and I thought that it was really interesting because they had high end and drugstore make up at discounted prices which is always a good thing to see! I thought that I would put together a small wishlist, 56 products later I decided to downsize my wishlist to 36 items which was so hard! I tried to pick high end and drugstore, high prices and low prices to give you all an idea of what the website is like but I would like you to know that I genuinely would want all of these products (if money wasn't a problem.)
Also, I won't comment on all of the products, just some. The original prices (RRP) are on the pictures as well as the price that Save on make up sells them for.

Sunday, 1 November 2015

October Beauty Favourites

So October is officially over which means, it's Christmas next month!
Today I have got a beauty favourites for you all which was quite hard because I have been loving a few products throughout October.

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Boots Haul

Hello everyone!

Today I've got a small Boots (drugstore) haul for you! This is what I got a couple of weeks back and I'm pleased with what I got! I will warn you! It's a very small haul as I'm trying to save (Christmas, driving lessons, car and mortgage) so this will be a short post! All of these, except one, are from boots (some available in other places) and they are available online.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

October Yankee Candle Favourites

Hello everyone!

So, I have had such a busy few weeks and I've neglected my blog (a lot) recently but I'm back! 
Today, I'm doing an October Yankee Candle Favourites, these are the candles that I have been using a lot and loving through out October, I know that October isn't over yet but I'm really excited to share these with you!

Monday, 19 October 2015

Superdrug haul

Hello everyone!

Today I'm doing a superdrug/drugstore haul. I didn't spend as much as I usually do but I thought that I would show you what I got anyway. I hope you enjoy the post and possibly have some ideas of what to pick up next time you are in a drugstore!

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Autumn clothing and shoes wishlist

Hello everyone!
So today I'm doing an autumn (and kind of winter) wishlist, there are a few reasons I'm doing this. I love browsing through websites looking for clothes, I like to screenshot to remember things that I want to buy, I'm currently saving money so can't spend any so I'm going to blog about things I want to buy instead of buying them.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Twisted Envy

Hello everyone!

So Twisted Envy were kind enough to send me a couple of their products to show you guys, I really like their designs and I actually struggled to choose just a few products because there was quite a few products that I liked.

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Feeling unwell and future blog ideas

Hello everyone!

Sorry that I've been away for a while, I've been on a 2 week training course, had a chest infection, still have something, I've got the doctors tomorrow and I've been to the doctors 3 times in about 2 weeks which is weird. 

Saturday, 5 September 2015

The shopaholic tag

Hello everyone!

Today I am going to do the shopaholic tag because as you can probably tell, I really like shopping.

Friday, 28 August 2015

Homeware Haul-August

Hello everyone!

Today I have a homeware haul for you, I've recently had my room redecorated and with that, I brought a lot of things to put in it. There are a lot of candles and cute things. I always try to make sure that things in my room match because it makes me feel really happy. I hope you enjoy the post!

Sunday, 23 August 2015

GCSE Results Day

Hello everyone!

August 20th was my GCSE results day, I was so scared. 
I went in at 10am to get my envelope with my grades written on and I looked around and saw my whole year group standing there with all different emotions.

Live below the line update

Hello everyone!

I didn't end up doing the daily posts about my £5 for 5 days because I realised that everything I was eating was very similar, pasta with something every night and I thought that it may have been boring.

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Live Below the Line- Day 1!

Hello everyone!

So today was the first day of my Live below the line, £5 for 5 days and I haven't found it that hard, YET.

Here is what I ate today...

Live Below the Line- £5 for 5 Days

Hello everyone!

This is the long post that I have been talking about, I have been planning this for around a month now and I decided to do it starting today, Tuesday 4th August 2015. For 5 days. This is to raise awareness and to buy items for people who live in poverty and have a lot less than I do. Living on small amounts is very close to home so I think I will be okay during these 5 days.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

Would you rather?

Hello everyone!

I'm so sorry that I haven't been posting a lot recently but I've been so busy with my apprenticeship at the residential home. Here is a quick post because it's late and I got some 'would you rather' questions from around the internet!

Thursday, 9 July 2015

Get to know me tag!

Get to know me tag

Name: Kea Eloise Angel
Nicknames: Chloe calls me Kiwi :) 
Birthday: 21/02/1999
Place of Birth: Newport, Isle of Wight 
Star Sign: Pisces 
Occupation: Apprentice Care Worker 

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

A guide to dealing with 'down days'

Everyone has days where they feel down, some people may have more than others but I thought I would tell you all about what I like to do when I feel down which makes me feel a little bit better.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Words and Gestures

The things that people say can be so meaningless but it's the actions that they take that are the most meaningful. Meaningful gestures can be subtle and hard to notice or they can be so obvious that the whole world can see but they can also be so obvious but the person that that they want to notice the gestures are the ones that are oblivious and have no idea, for various reasons.

Monday, 6 July 2015

Things I learnt from High School

Here is a list of things that I learnt from High School/ during my years at High School. 

  • Your parents are usually right. 
  • Don't worry about the small things, that spot you had on Monday? People won't notice and if they do, they will forget by Tuesday. 
  • People will talk. Rumours will fly around, they might be about you but don't let them get to you. People will forget about the rumours over time, just smile and face it. 

Sunday, 5 July 2015

This or that

blush or bronzer- bronzer
lip gloss or lipstick- lipstick 
eye liner or mascara- mascara 
foundation or concealer- foundation
neutral or color eye shadow-neutral 
pressed or loose eye shadows-pressed
brushes or sponges-brushes

Saturday, 4 July 2015

Bucket List!

Hello everyone!

It is always a good idea to have dreams, ambitions and goals that you wish to achieve and maybe even have an idea of when you wish to have completed/achieved them.
I've always been a big dreamer, probably because for a long time dreams were better than reality, and I've always wanted to do a lot of things. Some bigger than others and some of them are more achievable than others but, a girl can dream.

Friday, 3 July 2015

Things that I have learnt from living with Anxiety

Things that I have learnt from living with Anxiety...

So today, I have been thinking about my anxiety a lot and I wanted to make a post about the things that I have learnt from living with anxiety and dealing with it on a daily basis.

Please remember that every case of anxiety is different so my experiences may be different to yours or to people that you know.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

5 Questions...

1. Do you think that parents nowadays are more tolerant than in the recent past? Why?

Yes, parents put up with more because it is what the other parents do. Also, because some people are more honest with their parents than in the recent past which creates more trust (from my experience)

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

June Favourites!

Hello, everyone!

I'm writing this on the 27th June but it's scheduled to upload on the 1st July. I haven't posted in a while, I've been super busy.

As some of you know, I wanted to do an apprenticeship in Health and Social Care and I had an interview at a private care home! I start on Wednesday 1st July. I have to be there at 7am which means leaving my house at 6am to walk there but that isn't a problem at all, I'm a morning person.
I'm so excited to start and I hope that I like it there, although, it means that there may not be so many blog posts, not that there are many usually.

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

25 Random Questions Tag

Okay, I wasn't tagged, you caught me but I really wanted to answer some questions! 

Question 1: Do you have any pets ? Yes, a ginger cat. 
Question 2: Name three things that are physically close to you: Laptop, iPhone, notebook
Question 3: What's the weather like right now ? Cloudy.

Monday, 29 June 2015

What they never told us about high school

The truth about high school...

I was thinking, maybe the problem with our generation is that we are not warned about high school, we are never prepared for it. Maybe they never warned us because they were embarrassed? Or because everyone has a different experience but I know what mine was like and I'm going to be honest.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Things I wish I had been taught sooner

Things I wish I had been taught sooner because they helped when I was told...

This is a post that I actually wrote in my diary on 20th September 2014 and looking back I really wanted to share it because it could help some people. During this time, I was in quite a bad place, not the worst but I was around the middle of my recovery (kind of.) 

Saturday, 27 June 2015

The Next Chapter

Hello everyone!

So I guess there is a new chapter of my life beginning. The chapter where the girl gets the apprenticeship and is excited but nervous and overwhelmed and the feeling of leaving school isn't real. The chapter that goes on for ages (like the wait for exam results.)

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Father's Day gift guide

With Father's Day fast approaching in the UK (Sunday 21st June), it can be hard to find a good gift for your dad (or father figure) so I thought I would post about what I got for my Dad.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Leaving school...

Hello Everybody!

Wow, it's only Wednesday and this is the second post of the week, can you tell I'm on study leave?

Today has been a strange day, I went into school for my history exam and it was really overwhelming when I left. I really felt a sort of pain and nerves in my stomach, it was weird. I seemed to be getting a little worked up about leaving school.

Monday, 8 June 2015

Update: Study leave, last few exams and future plans

Hello Everyone!

I'm just writing a quick post, more of an update than a post though.

I'm now on study leave and I've only had one day of it but I love it already, it is so nice to be able to relax and have more time to myself, I went into school for my maths exam this morning and then me and Chloe went to do a little bit of retail therapy which was really nice, although my legs really ache now. I had a little spending spree and brought a dress and a top (oops). I also got a new highlighter/luminizer which I'm really excited to use.

Friday, 29 May 2015


Hello Everyone!

Sorry that I haven't posted for ages, I've been so busy with revision and going away, in 2 weeks all of my exams will be over so I will have a lot more time to post and hopefully I will be doing more so I will have lots more to talk about (although, I do have a lot of ideas of blog posts but I have so much to do at the moment!)

Monday, 11 May 2015

First exam of 2015

So today I had my first exam in this summers exam season, I already had science, health and social care and business but for some strange reason they didn't feel as real as this one today did. It was SRS which I've had bad lessons in over the last few years (cover teaches, sometimes no teachers). 

To me, the thing that made it most real was because for years everyone has gone on about year 11 GCSEs and not the ones in year 10, I don't know why the year 10 ones were made to seem less important, perhaps it is because there is a chance to retake them this year but I'm not sure. 

I think that the exam went okay but I guess I'll find out on August results day which is kind of scary. A month tomorrow is my final exam which means that I have 4 weeks left, one of those is half term, another is study leave meaning that I have around 2 weeks left at school which is a very scary thought, it's hard to process because even my earliest memories are from school. 

School is all that I have ever known and what makes it worse is that I spent most of my school years wanting out but now that it is happening I'm not sure that I'm ready, it's even worse knowing that I have no idea what I want to do in the long run. I feel like I won't know what to do, I'll be in the real world. It's sad that I spent so long wanting to leave school instead of enjoying it while it lasted because I've always been lucky enough to be surrounded by friends at school. I've not been bullied (a little bit in primary school but nothing much) and for a long time school was my safe place and as soon as everything was getting better I just dreamt of leaving school when I should have been grateful for the education that I got because so many people don't get one. 

In reflection I know that I took school for granted during my last few years but I can't change that now and right now I'm just taking each day as it comes and enjoying school because it's really not that bad.

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Are you truly happy?

When someone asks me if I'm happy I always tell them that I am. I guess it's because I'm so much happier than I was before but then when I really think about it I'm not too sure. When I think about it. I  feel like I've just convinced myself that I'm happy. I feel like I've forced myself to believe in the smile that I wear because it's easier and I  want to be happy and I've tried to choose to be happy and I believe that I am, most of the time. 
I think that it might just be that odd day that I feel like this but I'm not sure.
I feel so uncertain about everything at the moment.

Friday, 24 April 2015


Revision is a big part of most year 11s life as the exam season quickly approaches and I know that I struggle a lot with revision and staying focussed because I am easily distracted and forgetful. I also give up when I can't do something but recently I've been trying really hard with revision because I know that it is only for less than 2 months now and I'll probably never have to do it because it is my final year in school and I'm not going to Sixth Form and I have no plans to go to University. I feel like the hours of work will pay off and the chances are, it won't be as bad as I think and it will soon pass, it will fly by and I'll be in the "real world."

Staying motivated and focussed is hard for me because when I can't do something I get frustrated/upset and give up but I have been trying really hard not to because I now know how important GCSE exam results are.
Here are some revision tips that I have found helpful:

  • Taking short breaks regularly (every hour or so) 
  • Sitting at a table and not sitting in bed
  • Find a quiet space so that you can concentrate 
  • Don't stress and over-think exams too much (but at the same time realize how important they are)
  • Don't leave it until the night before! 

Thank you for reading! 

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Insecurities-bad skin and spots!

Having bad skin can be confidence damaging and bring self esteem problems and this used to be the case for me, for a long time I hated my skin but not I have realised that I can't help it, no matter how hard I try! Most days even concealer, foundation and powder can't cover my bad skin but after spending so much money on various skin care products, I have finally found a few products that I have added to my daily routines and they do help, they don't clear my skin completely but they really do help, and some of them smell so lovely! Obviously they won't work for everyone but they work for me.
Every morning and evening I use 3 products. To start with I wash my face with the soap and glory sugar crush body wash (£6.50 500ml from boots) 
I then use neutrogena visibly clear pink grapefruit facial wash (£4.49 200ml fromboots). I apply it to the exfoliating facial wash brush (99p ebay) and scrub my face going in circles then rinse off thefacial wash. 

And then to finish off I apply clearasil rapid action deep pore toner (200ml £5.29 from boots)

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Rape Schedule

Rape is a serious crime and each day we subconsciously follow a "schedule" to avoid or minimize the risk of being raped/sexually assaulted. Some people realise that they are doing it whereas others have no idea. The decisions that we make each day are to protect ourselves but are we, as society, teaching women to live their life a certain way rather than teaching people not to rape? And people can blame society but the truth is, we are society.

People fear sexual assault because the most reported cases of rape are stranger rape and that it is an opportunity attack not a planned attack. When in reality, there are so many unreported cases of rape but stranger rape is talked about the most which makes people think that it is the most common type when really anyone could be a victim and rape is under reported. People fear strangers because of the amount of stranger rapes and sexual assaults that are reported compared to sexual assaults by people that are known to the victim.

In the last few years there has been a steady increase of women's self-defense programmes which indicate how deeply embedded the rape schedule has become. People believe that if they are able to defend themselves then they have less of a chance of being attacked than people who do not attend self-defense classes, maybe because it is their natural instinct but maybe it is just what they have been taught to believe. Women find comfort in knowing self-defense because they feel like they need to be able to defend themselves in order to feel safe which highlights the extent of insecurity and anxiety caused by the threat of sexual assault.

People make modifications of their behaviour because of the possibility of rape and sexual assault. It seems that the fear of rape is keeping women off of the streets. Women that use public transport often find themselves alone with a man and they feel uncomfortable, I read online that someone was on a train and it was only her and a man in the train carriage and she got up and moved to a busier carriage because she was worried about sexual assault. This highlights how serious the fear of rape is. Some women try not to wear "revealing" clothing because they are lead to believe it will minimize the risk. After a night out or going to a friends house at night and having a few drinks, a lot of women avoid dark, deserted streets and they try to be walked home by someone, or they walk their friends home, get a lift or stay the night. Whilst walking home a lot of women walk quickly with their keys and phone in their hand because they believe that it will lower the chances. Not to mention the careful planning that goes into the journey home! A lot of women cross the road or walk faster when a man that they don't know is the only other person walking on a quiet street, just to be on the safe side. The amount of attention that women pay on their way home, constantly looking behind them to make sure that no one is following, looking out for suspicious cars, making sure that their phones have charged and staying on the phone until they get home, trying to walk with confidence and not looking through their bags because they believe that if they don't do these things it will make them an "easy target". Some women have even stopped having their hair in a ponytail when they have to walk alone because they think that it is easier to grab hold of and would make them a target but in reality, nothing makes rape happen apart from rapists... Not being drunk, wearing revealing clothing, walking home alone, leaving your drink momentarily alone, passing out, agreeing to some sexual acts but not others or retracting consent in the moment.

Rape is the most feared crime and it is evident but when you google rape prevention there are hundreds of sites that are offering help to prevent being raped and giving advice on how to avoid being raped while walking home, drinking or hitchhiking, among other things. The sites offer tips like "drink with a sober friend who can protect you" which makes women believe that if they are drunk then they have a higher chance of being raped and that they need constant watching to make sure that they are safe.

On a night out a lot of women subconsciously go through the night using the rape schedule because they watch the bartender pour their drink and from that moment on they don't look away from their drink because they are told so much about drinks being spiked and women being raped because they "looked away from their drink."
Women are constantly told that "men can't help it" and "boys just being boys" but the truth is, Rape is a crime usually motivated by hatred and a pathological need to control and abuse. The combination of its occurrence with the severity or the emotional, physical and psychological trauma is a real threat on a daily basis which is why rape is the most feared crime and which is why women stick to a rape schedule without realising it.

"Rape and the fear of rape are a daily part of every woman's consciousness." -Susan Griffin. 

I think that by sticking to the rape schedule we believe that we are reducing our perceived risk of being raped and because some women who haven't been raped who use the schedule think that it is working but really, the schedule won't stop rape, it may reduce the risk but it can still happen and women shouldn't have to change their lifestyle because of a rapist. Some women who have been raped use the rape schedule to feel safe and secure which is fine. It is fine to do the above things to reduce the risk, I'm not saying that it isn't but I feel like we shouldn't HAVE to, we should live in a world that is safe for women AND men.

Sunday, 1 March 2015

Over Sleeping?

It's been a while since I posted but I do have a reason, not a very valid one but still, a reason.
This past week I've been sleeping a lot, like I usually sleep a lot but this week I've been asleep by 6:30pm and I get up for school at 6:40am and I have been sleeping all through the night. I take sleeping tablets when I get home from work (around 4:40pm), have a shower, have dinner and then go to sleep which is good but it means that I haven't really had time to do much. I'm on Circadin because I have a sleep insomnia and I never used to sleep much before I had sleeping tablets but I've been on them for over a year and I have never slept so constantly and for as long but I am really happy that I'm sleeping better, although, it means that I haven't been doing as much revision and I haven't been seeing my friends as often which, if I'm honest, doesn't really bother me because I still have weekends to see them.

I keep trying to think of why I sleep so much but I genuinely can't think of why I do.

Sorry that it's a short post but I have lots of ideas for future posts and I'm going to start posting more regularly (hopefully) but at the moment, I'm really not very motivated to do anything other than sleep.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

My tongue piercing experience

I got my tongue pierced on Friday 13th February 2015. I went to Pin Up Girls Piercing Boutique (http://pinupgirlspiercingboutique.co.uk/) and I love it there, Emma is so lovely and welcoming but this isn't about the piercing studio, it's about my tongue piercing.

Day One 

Friday 13th February 2015- I went and got my tongue pierced and when I got in there, I was talked through the procedure and my Daddy signed the permission slip because I am 15 and I signed it as well, Emma (the piercer) was a bit hesitant to pierce my tongue because it is a "big piercing" and I was young but we explained that it was my 16th birthday in about a week and we wanted the swelling to go down before I go back to school and she agreed and went and set up while me and Daddy looked at the body jewellery, clothes and shoes. When I got in there, we talked about the piercing and looking after it and then I mentioned that I am tongue tied and we had to check it out to see if I could get my tongue pierced because it is quite bad but I managed to stick my tongue out far enough and Emma said it should be okay so she drew a line down the center of my tongue to indicate where it would be pierced and I looked at it and agreed. Emma then numbed my tongue and I had to hold the numbing spray in my mouth so that it soaked into my tongue to relieve as much pain as possible, it didn't taste too nice but it was bearable and well worth it. My lips went a little bit numb because it was dribbling out but I had to be careful not to swallow it. Emma put the clamp on and I was struggling to hold my tongue out because of my tongue tie and I moved it so she had to re-clamp my tongue and Daddy held my hand (I wasn't scared or worried at all but it was nice) and Emma pushed the needle through, she did it slower than usual because of my tongue tie, she had to be careful. I could feel it going through but it didn't hurt at all, I didn't even flinch. Emma then put the bar in and tightened the ball and I looked in the mirror and I immediately loved it! Just before we left, Emma tightened the ball again and asked if I felt faint or anything and told me that I was really good, one of the best with dealing with it because I didn't flinch at all and didn't get scared. 
Daddy went and paid and I couldn't thank Emma enough because I loved it so much, I was given a sheet explaining how to look after my piercing properly which can be found on Pin Up Girls Piercing Boutique website (http://pinupgirlspiercingboutique.co.uk/). 
Daddy drove me home and as soon as I got home I took Ibuprofen which I think really helped and I took that every 4 hours apart from during the night because I forgot. I had soup and ice cream for the rest of the evening. My tongue didn't swell that much, my speech was the same and the bar wasn't annoying at all. 

Day Two

Saturday 14th February 2015- I woke up with my tongue being a little more swollen than the day before but it really wasn't bad, I took Ibuprofen and drank lots of water through out the day. I had soup for lunch because I didn't want to eat solids incase it hurt. In the afternoon, I ate a few starbursts and that was fine. I was cleaning my teeth after eating and mouthwashing regularly, I used salt water solution twice a day. I had takeaway pizza for dinner and I ate that with no problems at all, I kept taking Ibuprofen during the day, every 4 hours. The swelling and pain wasn't bad at all which I was surprised about. I ate ice cream during the day and chocolate fudge cake milkshake to reduce the swelling. I drank only water. 

Day Three

Sunday 15th February 2015- I woke up with what seemed like lumps around my bar ball and I knew that it was a scab but it looked different because it was on my tongue but I had a google just in case because better safe than sorry. I was eating solid food all day today but I carried on drinking water, I stopped taking Ibuprofen today so I had ice in my water to ensure that my tongue didn't swell. The swelling was a little bit worse than day two but it wasn't bad at all and I could still talk and eat and it didn't hurt at all. I was advised to rest for the first 3 days and not talk so much but on all 3 days I was with friends and didn't give my tongue a break at all but I looked after it and kept it clean so it doesn't hurt. 

Day Four 

Monday 16th February 2015- I woke up and my swelling had gone down a little bit but the bottom bar had been rubbing on the bottom of my mouth during the night which didn't make it hurt but it felt itchy, which was weird. I was still eating solid food and even managed Nachos with my dinner which was good. I drank one glass of squash and stuck to water other than that. By the evening, I noticed that the swelling had gone down quite a bit because I could see more of the actual bar which was nice to know because I am looking forward to downsizing. I went flyer dropping this morning and I could hardly notice that it was there, I had no pain at all. I ate 6 squares of chocolate at work this afternoon which seemed to make my tongue feel a bit funny (might of just been coincidence but I have trouble with eating dairy because it makes me unwell) so I drank 500ml of water over about an hour and it seemed to ease the pain. So far, it was least painful on day one and day four but the days inbetween weren't very painful. I continued with brushing my teeth after eating and using mouthwash, I also have been using salt solution in the morning and evening everyday since I had it pierced. 

Day Eight 

Saturday 21st February 2015- I haven't written since day four because there was nothing much, it was just back to normal after day four and on the 20th February, it had been a week since I had my tongue pierced so, on the 21st I decided to go and get the bar downsized to 16mm, Emma from Pin Ups said that I had looked after it really well which was quite rare for people as young as me! She told me to go back in 2 weeks to get another downsize to prevent the bar chipping my teeth. The bar change didn't hurt but my tongue was a teeny tiny bit swollen after it had been changed but that is normal (I think) because it was being touched when it wasn't fully healed. 

Overall, my tongue piercing experience was really good and I haven't had any problems so far, it was pretty much pain-free and the place that I got it pierced was really good, helpful and informative :) 

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

To My Future Self...

To my future self,

Hello! 15 (nearly 16, in 11 days!) year old Kea here. I am writing a letter to you, my future self, so that I can read it back in a few years, whether that be in 5 years or whatever... I'm not really sure how to start this because it seems weird, writing to myself in the future... I can't predict how your life is now, I have no idea what it will be like. How is it? Are you happier than you are now? I hope that you are still making progress with your happiness, positivity and dealing with things.

15 year old Kea has got a lot better in the last year and I have a good feeling about 2015 and I have made a lot of progress in the past year and I am really proud of myself. 2014 was an okay year but when thinking about how I was at the beginning of the year, compared to the start, I feel like I have made a lot of progress, I have grown up a lot, learnt how to deal with things and just been feeling happier in general which is really good, I've had ups and downs but I bet you still have them now because, to be honest, everyone does, no matter who they are.

I wonder if you stayed in touch with the people you were friends with at school... I hope you stayed in touch with some of them at least because they made school days a lot better, if it wasn't for them and the time that you spent with them, there is no way that you would of survived high school because they made it that much bearable. I wonder how you did with your exams, did you get the results you hoped for? Did you work for them?

How is the blog going? Did you carry it on or give up? Have you started YouTube yet?! Because if not, you NEED to start because that is something that you wanted to do for a long time. Do you have a job/career? Do you enjoy it? If not, change it, do something worthwhile with your life and something that you enjoy because being happy should be very important.

What is it like being an adult? Are you dealing with responsibility well?
Things I want you to have done:

  • Grow your hair!
  • Lose more weight! 
  • Travel!
  • Start YouTube!
  • Do well on your blog!
  • Be happy, whatever you are doing, where ever you are...
I want you to do whatever you want to do and do whatever makes you happy because you need to put your happiness near the top of your priorities.

15 year old Kea :)

Friday, 6 February 2015

One of those weeks...

I am in a much better place than I was a while ago but I still have those days, usually weeks, sometimes months where I get sad and I can't help it, it's just the way I am. My life is not bad, not compared to how it was before, but it's not perfect and that's okay because it's a part of me and I appreciate the way that it is now because of the way it was before, I am not completely happy but I'm not completely bad and I'm not sure how that is but I know that it is how I am feeling. There is only one more thing that needs to be dealt with and then I will be happy but that will take a long time and a lot of work but I believe that I am strong enough.

Everyone has those days, whether they are recovered, still in a dark place or even if they were fine all along... It is just a part of life and that's okay because it is normal. I just get sad, like most people, but sometimes I get quite sad and I don't understand why because everything is a lot better, I do try to be as positive and happy as I can and most of the time, I am happy but I still get those times when I feel sad. My life is so much better than it was and my mind set is so much better and I can think clearly about things and I feel like I talk about happiness, positivity and being better like everything is perfect, when the truth is, recovery, to me, is just feeling good a lot of the time but still having days where I feel sad but not nearly as much as I did a while ago.

People need to know that just because they are recovered, doesn't mean that there won't be any more days where you feel the way that you used to but the days that are better, that is what makes you know you are better, are great because I personally, have more motivation to do things, I can not be doing anything but I will still feel happy.

I know that I am better (apart from one thing that I need to have the right help with) because

  • I feel comfortable with the way that I look 
  • I feel happy
  • I am more positive 
  • I know that I am capable 
  • I can do things that I couldn't before
  • My grades at school are making progress 
  • People (professionals) have told me (when they have seen me round) that I look much better than I did when they were helping me 
  • The person I see at CAMHS has told me that I make a lot of progress
  • I can see that I have made a lot of progress. 
These are just some of the reasons, I have been going to CAMHS for years and without them, I really wouldn't be where I am today and I can't even express how grateful I am. I think that people who say that counselling doesn't work either didn't go for long enough (because a lot of places say that they are better after just a few months), didn't try hard enough, they didn't like the way that the person worked with them or they just didn't find counselling helpful.
From my personal experience, I used to hate going and I would try not to talk to them but then I decided to give it a go and I am so pleased that I did that because, that has made me a lot better.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Being Positive!

One of my new years resolutions was to have a more positive look upon things and to spread positivity and I would like to think that I have been more positive and I definitely have noticed a change in my attitude, even if it is a small change.
When I was in my "bad stage" I would look upon everything with the most negative view and I would try so hard to be positive but it never worked, this is one of the reasons that show I am getting better every day, which by the way, didn't happen overnight, it took over a year.

Being positive is a good thing to be able to do because it is good to be positive but also you need to have a realistic view on life and situations otherwise you may be disappointed. I have noticed that I have been more positive and I don't really know how, it might be because I'm getting better but then again, it might be because I have forced myself to realize that not everything is as bad as it seems and that life really isn't as bad you see it when you are in a "bad stage" which is something that I wish I had learned sooner.

Ways to be more positive! (These are tips and techniques that I have used myself)

  • Realize that positive thinking is a choice! I used to think that people were either positive or negative and I used to blame outside forces like experiences, past, people, fate and all things like that. I attracted negative people because I was a negative person. I make the choice to view a positive outcome of a bad situation. 
  • Get rid of negative people! Surrounding yourself with people who don't encourage your happiness and positivity will not help you have a more positive outlook on life because they will drag you down with all their negativity! 
  • Look for the positive! In every situation, person, thing there is something good that needs to be thought about, so look out for that and always see the best in things! 
  • Strengthen the positivity in yourself! You have to practice being positive and get into the habit of thinking in a more positive way because like most things, practice really does make perfect! 
  • Share your positivity with others! I have been doing this unintentionally recently which is really good because it means that I am not thinking about being positive, I am just getting on with it! Sharing your positivity will not only make you feel good but it will make the person you are sharing it with feel better. 
  • Appreciate more things that you usually take for granted! This will help positivity because you will realize that you have a lot more than you think and that a lot of people have less than you  and it will make you feel a little bit better! 
  • STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! A lot of us do this without even thinking but this won't help in any way, you are who you are, that's just the way it is, if you are really unhappy then change the things you dislike or learn to appreciate yourself the way that you are!  
These are a few ways that I have become a more positive person, I really want to spread positivity and make more people smile which is why I wrote this post. 
Positive thinking will lead to a positive lifestyle and a happy life! 

Monday, 26 January 2015

Feelings about leaving school...

Today I was sat in my garden and I was thinking about how soon I was leaving school and for so long, I have been so excited and can't wait to leave but now that it is fast approaching, I am starting to get mixed emotions about it because going to school is all that I have ever known, not to mention the stress of exams!

Going to school is all that I can remember doing and it makes me anxious knowing that soon I will be leaving, as much as I am excited and can't wait to leave. I will be in the real world, earning real money, paying real bills and taxes. It is really scary to think that. It is weird that peoples lives begin properly at such a young age and they have so much responsibility and I don't know how I feel about it, like I can't even decide what top to wear or what to have for dinner let alone making life changing decisions.

I don't really have a plan for when I leave school which may seem strange but I have no idea what I want to do. Most people I know who are my age have a plan, at least for college or sixth form or something that will keep them busy for a year or 2 but I have no idea, everyone around me seems to have their lives planned and I'm sat here, writing a blog, not knowing where my life is going. I have lots of ambitions but lack of motivation and I don't want to attend sixth form, college or university because I don't like to learn in a classroom, I prefer to learn as I work which is when I considered an apprenticeship but I have no idea what I would do. I think I am going to apply for Sixth Form as a back up because if I don't find something that I want to do then I need to have something to fall back on, I'm not sure if I will do well at Sixth Form because I'm so unmotivated and I don't deal with exams or coursework because it makes me stressed and anxious.

So yeah, everything is confusing and scary at the moment and I really need to stop avoiding thinking about my plan for when I leave school but I don't want to bring myself to do it.

Saturday, 24 January 2015

Shopping addiction or just buying things I want?

I always get told that I have a "shopping addiction" but is it really a shopping addiction or do I just buy things that I want and I happen to want a lot?

I have a job which, to some people, may seem unusual at my age (15) but I really enjoy it and it gives me a lot of freedom and independence but I do feel as if I spend too much and should save more but I can't seem to resist. I think that might be because I have the money and I like to treat myself.

I Googled shopping addiction and this was the definition that came up at the top of search results:

"Shopping addiction is the compulsion to spend money, regardless of need or financial means. The addict may be addicted to a certain product, such as clothes or jewelry, but he or she may also buy anything from food and beauty products to stocks or real estate" 

I don't think that I am addicted to buying things but I do buy things that I want and usually, I do regret them. I want to save more money.
I am still very interested in seeing if I do have a shopping addiction because I was told that I seem to use buying things when I am dealing with emotions and I replace self harm with buying things, which in some ways seems better, although, I don't want it to get out of control and I begin spending money that I do not have. I have a lot of things to save for but I really can't resist but if I really tried then I would be able to, I saved up for my iPhone 4S in a month which proves that I can save for big things that I really want BUT I was saving to buy something whereas I need to save to not spend until I start driving lessons and what not.

I went onto Health Central and took a shopping addiction test... (http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/test-274328.html)
I answered the questions 100% honestly and this was what the results were...

"You scored 10 (scoring range: 0-15)You definitely have an addiction to shopping.See my article on shopping addiction for ways to combat your spending impulses. It may be wise to enlist help from a friend or loved one, or even therapist to help you regain some control over your spending."

I don't know how accurate the quiz was but they seem to think that I have a shopping addiction. 
Does anyone else feel the need to buy things?

I think that labels are put onto too many things which is why people think that they have all of these addictions and disorders when in reality, it is just who they are and they have spoken to all these people who have give them medical explanations for everything that they do and how they feel. 

Friday, 23 January 2015

Who "saved" you?

People always talk about people and music that saved them but I have a different perception of who saved who. I believe that music and influential people don't save lives. They don't save people, they aren't capable of that. But I do believe that they influence people to save themselves. I always used to say "this band saved my life" but the truth is, they didn't. I was just quoting what I had heard other people say and it wasn't until recently that I realized that bands and celebrities don't save people just by being themselves and making music. People save themselves.

I have heard so many people say "this band stopped me self harming" but the truth is, the song might of influenced someone to not self harm but the truth is, no matter how much someone wants to say that it was the band or celebrity, it really was them, sure the band or celebrity may of given them the courage and the hope but they were the one that resisted, they put the blade or whatever away and they didn't do it. It wasn't the band, it was them.
People in that position don't want to acknowledge that they are capable of stopping themselves, they can't bring themselves to admit that they can stop themselves because they genuinely don't believe that they can so they want to pass it on to someone/something that is influential to them.

I know, now that I am out of that dark place, that no matter how much I claimed that a band or whatever saved me, the truth is that I saved myself, I was the one that stopped myself from destructing myself and now that I look back, I realize just how strong I was.

One day, it won't be over night but I hope that it will be soon, I hope that each and every person in that dark place will be able to say that they are in a better place and that they are happier. I want everyone to look back and realize what I realized, that I couldn't bring myself to believe that I was strong enough or capable of stopping myself so I made myself believe that it was a band or something that saved me when in reality, I saved myself but I couldn't admit it because I didn't see it.

I saved myself, with the help and support of my friends and family and possibly the influence of the music that I liked at the time but mainly it was me. I chose to stop, I chose not to end my life. I was the one that was brave and strong enough to stop myself, I didn't realize that at the time but looking back, I see that I did.

This is why it makes me sad when people claim that famous people "saved" them because I know that they didn't. The person saved them self but they aren't in a good enough place to realize it.

Saturday, 17 January 2015

Reasons I am a Feminist.

I'm not here to tell you what you should or should not believe but I am going to give my personal opinion and tell you reasons why I am a feminist.
 1 in 4 women in society are sexually assaulted and people still ask "what was she wearing?"
Students are taught in public school that when a girl has sex for the first time she will lose a part of herself. It is also told to boys but it is brought up more for girls.
Girls who have a lot of sex are "sluts" but guys aren't.
Boobs are used to sell everything but people look down on women who breastfeed in public.
Shaving is considered optional for men and mandatory for women (not in every case I know but A LOT of the time)
Because girls are put under so much pressure to value their appearance more than anything else.
Catcalling and street harassment, NOT A COMPLIMENT.
Because it is considered "normal" to cut off part of an infants penis.
Because 65% of Brazilians believe that a woman who dresses in revealing clothes deserves to be raped.
Because in Saudi Arabia, women still can’t vote or drive.
Because male victims of rape aren't believed since guys want sex all the time anyway...Hmm.
"The measure of the gender pay gap used in this analysis is median gross hourly earnings excluding overtime. The gender pay gap was 19.7 per cent in 2013, which means that the average woman will earn 19.7 per cent less than the average man per hour."*
Because I believe that the world should be safe for girls and guys…everywhere.
Because some modelling agencies scout for models outside eating disorder clinics.
Because half of the girls in Yemen will become child-brides.
Because domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women, more than car accidents and muggings.
Because men get laughed at when they talk about being in an abusive relationship.
Because people say that asexual, bisexual, and transgender doesn't exist.
Because in 34 states it’s legal to discriminate against someone who is transgender.
I’m a feminist because I believe in gender equality.
* I googled gender pay gap UK and that was what came up.

These are my personal views and some people may disagree and that is their choice, I'm not here to tell them what they can or can't believe but those are some of the reasons why I am a feminist.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

What is happiness?

What is happiness?

I personally question myself about what happiness really is a lot. How can you describe happiness to someone when you have no idea what it is and what it feels like? I think that this is because there are so many types of happiness and people have personal perceptions of happiness and what makes them happy. 
I believe that happiness is a choice, if you choose happiness, happiness will choose you. I think that happiness is not a destination but it is the journey. I think that happiness can come from the smallest things, like when people that you don't know you, smile at you as you walk past or when you help someone with something. That is happiness, to me. 
Happiness comes in all sorts of forms, I find happiness in the small things as well as the good things. 
No one really knows what happiness is to someone else but I know that to me, happiness is spending time with friends and family, that makes me really happy. 
I find happiness in many things: 
  • Spending time with friends and family 
  • Doing something nice for someone
  • Helping people
  • Writing blog posts and seeing the views grow 
  • Knowing that people care
  • When people tell me/show me that they appreciate me 
  • Good grades 
  • Knowing that I've achieved something 
  • When strangers smile at me 
  • When I do something well 
  • Sleeping when I'm really tired 
  • Long walks with people I get along with well
  • Pretty sights 
  • Knowing I've done something worthwhile with my life 
  • Seeing people grow and develop as a person 
Those are just a few things that make me feel genuinely happy. People may disagree and have other things that make them happy but that is what I find happiness in. 

Happiness is an emotion but if you choose to be happy and make yourself happy by doing things that you love then you will feel happy. Some people will disagree with this but it is my opinion. Obviously, it goes without saying that people that suffer from mental illnesses will not be able to choose happiness easily but that is down to their illness, not to them as a person. Some people with mental illnesses will be able to choose happiness but that is because they are an individual and everyone is different and have different reasons for doing things. 

Some people are so obsessed with the idea of being happy that they are so focused on making everything perfect and obsessing over the idea of happiness instead of trying to focus on making their life the way that they want it. I believe that there is a difference between choosing happiness and being obsessed with the idea of happiness. 

What is happiness to you?

Thursday, 8 January 2015

Why is mental health romanticized?

Why is mental health romanticized?

My generation seems weirdly obsessed with romanticizing mental illness and it's something that I find strange, if I'm honest. It's
like they have a weird fascination with mental illness and I don't really understand it. I feel like it has come from stories about
a "broken" girl that has been magically fixed by some "Prince Charming."

This is something that I'm not sure about, like the support that it seems to give is good, I guess? But it makes it seem "cute" when really, it's not.
Like, I know that it is good to be supportive and that people accept it (which they should, because people with genuine mental health issues can't help it)
but when it is made to be this amazing thing, I don't think that is right, like yeah it's good that people can talk about it and that it is a hard
thing to overcome and stuff (I'm not too good at explaining what I mean) but when things like "she paints a pretty picture, with a twist, her wrist is her canvas
and her paintbrush is a blade" are quoted (and yes, in the past I have reblogged or posted quotes like this, but that was when I didn't understand it that well) it
makes me feel uneasy because "her" skin is not a canvas, it is her own flesh that she is harming and it is not art and should not be made out like it is art,
what impression does that give to people who don't understand? For example, me a few years ago, I thought that it was a good way to explain it so that it seemed
nicer and that it wasn't a horrible thing to do and I think that it sort of encourages people, especially the younger, more impressionable people to self harm.

Anxiety is not cute, it really isn't. It is horrible, especially for the people that suffer with it and their loved ones because they are the ones that really
have to deal with it. People make it seem like mental illness is beautiful when the truth is, it isn't and it really hurts the people and their loved
ones that are effected by it. I believe that the more it is romanticized, the less it will be taken seriously, I may be wrong but hey, that's my
opinion. No matter what these stories may imply, depression and mental illness will not just go away once you enter a good relationship,
the issues are deeper than that and making clueless teenage girls believe that finding someone who tells them that they are beautiful or need
anything less than profession help to relieve their depression is not doing them any favors. I don't think that we should
let teenagers believe that someone will come and make them feel beautiful or "worth it." Instead, we need to teach them to find that "worth"
in themselves, they need to find the confidence to make it through another day and the courage that they need to ask for help. This, I believe
is a lesson that will save their lives.

The truth is, social media has such a hold over us that we will choose to believe what is being fed to us and because social media gets
so much attention. I think that social media is great and a really good way to connect with people and to tell your story but I do believe
that it romanticizes mental illness and actively encourages self-destructive behavior. I also think that a lot of this is done through Tumblr. as much as I love
it and use it, I feel like this is a very bad thing. What happened to Tumblr being a community and helping and supporting each other? Tumblr is not about making
other people feel shit by posting depressing things and as they see it on their dashboard, it reminds them of how they once (or currently) felt and that isn't
good. Although, a lot of people do it to express their feelings which is fine but romanticizing mental illness is NOT.
I feel like social media dresses mental illness up as glamorous. People feel isolated from real life because of what they go through, I think they use the
internet as a safe haven. I feel like as people are scrolling through Tumblr and see skinny models can worsen symptoms of eating disorders and body image disorders.
Also, seeing glamorized pictures and quotes about anxiety and depression can trigger self- destructive behavior.

I believe that there is nothing romantic as being an emotionally unstable person. It isn't cute to not be able to have a casual conversation with a stranger because of
anxiety. I am not blaming the people who suffer from mental illness for having emotions and behaviours. I think that the attitude towards
mental health on social media is not healthy, especially Instagram and Tumblr. I think that romanticizing mental illness is just a big trigger and promotion of problems
to others.

I don't think that mental illnesses should be romanticized because they should be taken seriously and dealt with in an encouraging way.
Encouraging negative attitudes and behavior is not helpful at all. Tumblr users should not get caught up in the romanticizing of destructive behavior.
Mental illness should not be glamorized or romanticized.
That is just my opinion, some people may disagree and that's okay.

Tuesday, 6 January 2015



How do you explain depression to someone who has never experienced it? 
I always describe it like you are walking along the beach and the tide is out, you carry on walking towards the sea and you keep walking until your feet are touching the water, you don't think much of it to start with but you keep walking further into the sea, until suddenly, you are completely out of you depth, you are drowning but no one notices, you splash around, trying to get out of the water but you can't get yourself out, you struggle to breath and you just want it to be over. 
I feel like if you find something to relieve the pain (for example, self harm) that feeling is when you get pulled out of the water and you can breath again, it makes you feel okay again, for a little while. Then it happens again. 

Sometimes, you just feel numb and don't feel any emotions. Depression is different for different people, I think. I feel like you don't notice you are depressed to start with, until you are really far in and suddenly it dawns upon you, you feel helpless and scared but at the same time, you don't care, you learn to live with it, at least, that's how I felt. It just seems like a habit now and just something that happens and that it's going to be like this forever, but it won't and talking about it really does help. 

Everything felt wrong, I didn't feel happy or hopeful about anything in my life and I felt as if I was moving in slow motion but everyone else around me was normal, I felt totally alone and I wasn't sure how to handle it, there was something about the emptiness and feeling alone that I weirdly liked at one point. I found myself crying a lot, most of the time it was for no reason and I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to stay in bed all day and I felt like it was so hard to hold a conversation with anyone, I distanced myself from everyone around me, I regret that now but I have built some of those relationships back up, which gave me a confidence boost, knowing that I got them back. I couldn't make any decisions and everyone around me irritated me and made me want to cry, even if I wasn't talking to them. At one point, I remember it felt weird smiling and it hurt, in a way that I can't explain. I was very forgetful and I had a lack of concentration and that still has an influence on me today, I can't remember a lot of the classes that I did in previous school years and because of that I have to catch up on work that has already been done but because I was so distanced and depressed, I have to do. Which isn't my fault. 

I feel like a lot of people experience depression, maybe they don't realize? Or don't want to admit it? 
I am no longer as badly depressed as I was before but I still feel like some days, it has an effect on me and I feel like it is something that I will never completely recover from but I have come a long way and I am very proud of myself, and others who have been through the same, for getting through something as hard as depression. I am also proud of people that have depression and still get up everyday and carry on their life like normal because most days, I couldn't do that. I feel like it takes a lot of courage to get through depression and people don't realize how hard it is for some people, obviously some people don't realize how hard it is, not because they are stronger than others but because they deal with it differently. Everyone handles things differently and that's okay. 
There needs to be more awareness of mental health and people need to talk about it more so that people don't suffer in silence, because that isn't the right way, I am so grateful that I got help with mine and there is someone out there that can help you. 

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Glamorising Eating Disorders

Why are eating disorders glamorised? 
Do people notice that they are being glamorised or do they just turn away and act like it's not going on? Is it just me that thinks they are being glamorised? 
Eating disorders are shown as pictures all over social media, mainly over Instagram and tumblr, but they are still everywhere, they only show the 'beautiful' side of them, they make it sound so easy. 
I think they do this to get the attention of younger people. Why don't they show the medical side of them? The mental and the physical harm and pain, all they show is nice thin girls that look like models, most of them are probably airbrushed and edited anyway. 
They don't show how easily the people suffering with an eating disorder really are, how tired they get, how sad and lonely they feel. They don't mention how they have to lie to everyone they care about and how when they get to their goal weight, they make another one, a lower one. Each time they achieve their goal weight they just feel as if they can get lower.
Everywhere you look there are all these diets and low sugar and low everything being advertised, the models in magazines and the mannequins in shops are shown to be skinny. Dress sizes are having the clothes made smaller and being sold sat the same size when the clothes have been made smaller which makes people think that they have gained weight and  that makes some people diet or buy weight loss pills.
All of these pills and weight loss miracles are being advertised but how many actually work in a healthy way, or at all? 
Is it just another way to earn money because people want them to work so they eat less and do more exercise then claim that the pills really work? Or do they actually work?
Eating disorders are claimed to be a "lifestyle not an illness" but how true is that? 
We need food to survive, it's not healthy to have such a low calorie intake.
Are people who deliberately make themselves skinny just like people who  deliberately eat a lot and gain weight or is it more than that?
I think that it is an illness but at the same time I think that eating lots of unhealthy food is also an illness. 
Why is the media supporting eating disorders instead of offering support to the people who suffer from them? 
Why are they encouraging teenagers to  lead unhealthy lifestyles just to be skinny?  I think that as long as the calorie intake and diet is healthy then it doesn't matter what size someone is.

Saturday, 3 January 2015



I have anxiety and a lot of people said they "wouldn't of thought it" because I can act confident.
Anxiety isn't all about being shy and timid, it can also be someone who is outgoing and loud. Everyone gets anxious but having anxiety is a bit more than that, I think.
I'm not really sure what it means but I know from my experiences with anxiety that it can mean different things to different people. My anxiety gets in the way in day to day life, for example, I get anxious when I have to press the button on the bus because I feel as if the people that don't know me will judge me, about where I am getting off and how I get off the bus. What if I fall? Sometimes I won't press the button, I will wait until I get to a stop where someone else gets off, that's one of the reasons why I dislike buses. It doesn't particularly affect my school life apart from when I get asked a question in class, I don't like having to give an answer in case it is wrong and people think I'm stupid, or walking up in front of lots of people like to go to the front of the classroom or in assembly. I feel shaky, sick, sometimes faint and my breathing goes funny, sort of like I'm suffocating or drowning.
Most people don't notice that I have anxiety because I try not to make a big thing about it, not because I am ashamed of it but because I would rather not think about it, I like to get on with it and try to deal with it as it happens. My experience with anxiety may be different from other people's like I have no problem with telling people how it is and talking to new people, it seems to be the smaller things that I struggle with. I could get into an argument with a stranger and not get anxious about that, I can walk past big groups of people on the street without getting anxious but the small things affect me the most.
I get anxious about going to peoples houses that I haven't been to in a while but I have no problem with talking to their parents and siblings, it's the fear of going into their house and doing something wrong... I don't like the idea of people not liking me but when people don't like me, I usually don't mind because they can't make themselves like me and let's face it, I'm not for everyone and that's okay because I don't like everyone that I meet and I won't pretend to like someone if I don't because I don't see the point.
I'm perfectly happy to talk about my anxiety because I'm not ashamed, it's a natural thing that can be dealt with and it's good to talk about it because it helps, it really does.
For example, today I went out for dinner and had to go up to the bar to get myself a drink, I got scared, it wasn't the idea of talking to someone that I didn't know, it was the thought that I could get the order wrong but once I did it, it really wasn't bad and I wondered what I was panicking about.
Before I made the order it made me feel sick thinking about having to go up and order but I don't show it, I've learnt how to keep it in and deal with it internally instead of making a big deal because I feel like for me, that is the best way to deal with it, because that's how I taught myself to do it.
I hate the feeling of anxiety and all the things that I come with it but I deal with it on a regular basis and it is more like a habit now. Some days it doesn't affect me at all, but others, it really does.

Why is our future dictated by exam results?

Why is our future dictated by exam results?

Exam results dictate our future, they decide what job we have, if we go on to further education. We get tested at such a young age and our choices during our school years determine our future and at that age we can't even decide what we want for dinner without making choices that affect the rest of our life.

In some cases, they don't and I know that some people get bad exam results and still do really well but that is not the majority, just a few lucky people. 
Intelligence shouldn't be measured by scores and numbers on a page because it is more complex than that. 
It doesn't seem right that different people with different abilities are tested in the same way on the same topics. Some people can do exams well but others can't. The anxiety that comes from the pressure of exams is a lot and some people cannot cope with it. 

Do you think there should be other ways of getting exam results to suit individual needs or is that unfair?

My Top 10 Yankee Candle Scents

My Top 10 Yankee Candle Scents 

I really like Yankee Candles so I thought I would write a list of my top 10 favourites. This is going to be hard because I really love a lot of the scents. I probably should add that they will probably mostly be pink or white or cream coloured ones because I like them to fit in with the theme of my room but there are a few that aren't those colours that I like. 


New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions 

As it is now 2nd January 2015, I thought that I would write a list of my New Years Resolutions.
I like to make New Years Resolutions, even if I don't always stick to them. I like to look back on them. I usually stick to them for about 4 months and then just forget about them but this year is going to be a good, successful year for me. I'm leaving school and I've started this blog, I'm also hoping to start my own YouTube Channel if I can feel confident enough that people will like the content. 

2015 New Years Resolutions 

  • Say "yes!" Take more opportunities because I usually turn down good opportunities. 
  • Exercise more 
  • Save more money (I'm so good at spending all my money and not saving any!)
  • Work harder at school and get good exam results. 
  • Enjoy life more and appreciate the small things 
  • Stop snacking on unhealthy food 
  • Try something new 
  • Stop Procrastinating
  • BE HAPPY :) 
  • Be more positive! 
Those are my new years resolutions, I wonder how many of them I will stick to. 

What are your New Years Resolutions? Let me know in the comments!  

Friday, 2 January 2015

High School

High School

Everyone always says how high school is "the best days of your life" and "you'll miss it one day!" but is that really true? Do people just say that because they were so used to school because they started when they were young and finished when they were pretty much an adult. In the build up to leaving school (which I am currently in), the only thing we have ever known is school, when we were below the age of 4/5 (primary school starting age) we are preparing for primary school and then middle school then high school and in some cases sixth form or college. People love the idea of education and having an "easy" time without having to think about financial things but I think that they have actually forgotten what it's really like, although, I may not be right because I haven't experienced it yet. They forget how boring sat in a classroom is, listening to a teacher with a dull voice, trying not to fall asleep. They forget how they had to try to fit in and how every small thing seemed really important to students. They forget how it felt when they fell out with the few friends that they had and they suddenly began to tag along with someone that they didn't really know. I guess, compared to the real world that is easy but when you are a teenager, everything is a big deal and we haven't experienced adulthood so we don't know what it is like and we can't compare. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a hard time at school, I have a great group of friends, I get on with a lot of people but I just don't like the lessons and how a group of individuals are taught and tested in the same way. I love education but hate school. School is bearable and it's never as bad as I believe it to be and the way I get myself worked up about it but I would prefer not to go to school. 
I don't like how we are encouraged to be individual but we aren't allowed visible piercings, unnatural coloured hair and certain hairstyles.
If we were treated better and given more freedom then I think that I would enjoy it more. I feel like if one student has annoyed a teacher, some of them will take it out on their class which is fine once in a while but when it is on a daily basis it isn't fair. 
Another example of some teachers thinking of us as a group instead of as a group of individuals (if you see what I mean) is when a few people go to the toilet and then someone asks if they can go and the teacher replies with something along the lines of "Too many people have gone already, can't you just wait" and it's as if they think we are all connected and if one person goes for a wee then everyone's bladders are emptied! 

Of course, there are good things about school as well, like learning about new things and qualifications and making friends and... Well, just those then. 
This is just my opinion, obviously there will be people who disagree and that's perfectly fine because everyone feels differently about things and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, 

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